// Day 3//

Well, this is about to get really personal. Day 3 hadn’t even officially started yet and of course I failed and stress ate. I’m  so sick of feeling alone all the time. I want my ex back more than anything and I’m so sick of my parent’s situation. My dad still loves my mom and he guilt trips me every day by making sure I know it. He fucking cried in front of me! Like legit sat down next to me and just bawled his eyes out. I love him to death but talk about inappropriate. I can’t even tell my mom  about what he does because I know she would tell him not to see me or talk to me until he gets his shit together but I’m all he has left and I can’t do that to him. Although he “promised” he wouldn’t say stuff like that to me anymore, it’s gonna happen. Does every time. Really though,  Who was I to think that I could outrun my bad habits by a simple fifteen day diet? I really let myself down this time because I let my situations that I was..well am in control me, no matter how hard I try to fight it. However, I may be down but I’m not out. It’s time to get back on the horse and try, try again.

This morning I started with a (modified) recipe from my app. I wish I added ice because I definitely prefer a thicker texture when I’m drinking my meal. God, I feel like I’m 80 years old and can’t chew or something. It was actually pretty good though…it had a nice tropical feel to it.

• 2 kiwi
• 1 banana
• 1 cup coconut water
• 5-6 raspberries

So I decided that from now on, no more solid foods. Everything is going to be blended and in liquid form: fruits, veggies, you name it. Because if I let my body think for a second that it can have solid food, then solid food I’ll crave. Especially at night. And I can’t let myself down again. I want to feel proud of something I’ve accomplished because then I know it will stop everything else going on from bringing me down. For lunch I made myself some kind of concoction with a comice pear, blackberries, raspberries, and protein powder. Not too bad, I suppose.

After work I went to the gym and did yet another spin class. I love them, I can’t help it. However about half way through the work out I felt starvinggg even though I had an apple as a snack and all that protein in my drink. After the gym I went BACK to the grocery store (I think that must be trip #94439857 now) and bought some more fruit and I hate to say it…v8 pure vegetable juice. Needless to say, my dinner juice made me wanna vom. I put some papaya in it (I had never tried it before tonight and I thought it was supposed to be really sweet but it just tasted bitter? Maybe it wasn’t quite ripe yet), honeydew, mango, coconut water (apparently it keeps you hydrated after your workout), and the vegetable juice. The thing smelled like I didn’t even put any fruit in it at all but I will admit the taste  wasn’t quite as bad as it smelled. I’m feeling kind of tired tonight so I’m going to try to go to bed early and PRAY I make it through the night.