“She’s such a fucking masterpiece, self destruction is such a pretty little thing”
Well today is supposed to be day four. Honestly, I don’t know if I want to do this anymore. I feel like it’s helped me realize that I should be reaching for an apple instead of going on a cookie binge but I’m hungry allll the time. It’s not really helping me lose weight because I’m not getting the proper protein that I should be getting. I’m really not sure though, I don’t think I’m going to completely cut smoothies and juices from my diet but I want to add dairy back in. I miss my greek yogurts so much. I also want to be able to eat my lean cuisine and smart ones too. We’ll see what tomorrow brings.
Well, this is about to get really personal. Day 3 hadn’t even officially started yet and of course I failed and stress ate. I’m so sick of feeling alone all the time. I want my ex back more than anything and I’m so sick of my parent’s situation. My dad still loves my mom and he guilt trips me every day by making sure I know it. He fucking cried in front of me! Like legit sat down next to me and just bawled his eyes out. I love him to death but talk about inappropriate. I can’t even tell my mom about what he does because I know she would tell him not to see me or talk to me until he gets his shit together but I’m all he has left and I can’t do that to him. Although he “promised” he wouldn’t say stuff like that to me anymore, it’s gonna happen. Does every time. Really though, Who was I to think that I could outrun my bad habits by a simple fifteen day diet? I really let myself down this time because I let my situations that I was..well am in control me, no matter how hard I try to fight it. However, I may be down but I’m not out. It’s time to get back on the horse and try, try again.
This morning I started with a (modified) recipe from my app. I wish I added ice because I definitely prefer a thicker texture when I’m drinking my meal. God, I feel like I’m 80 years old and can’t chew or something. It was actually pretty good though…it had a nice tropical feel to it.
So I decided that from now on, no more solid foods. Everything is going to be blended and in liquid form: fruits, veggies, you name it. Because if I let my body think for a second that it can have solid food, then solid food I’ll crave. Especially at night. And I can’t let myself down again. I want to feel proud of something I’ve accomplished because then I know it will stop everything else going on from bringing me down. For lunch I made myself some kind of concoction with a comice pear, blackberries, raspberries, and protein powder. Not too bad, I suppose.
After work I went to the gym and did yet another spin class. I love them, I can’t help it. However about half way through the work out I felt starvinggg even though I had an apple as a snack and all that protein in my drink. After the gym I went BACK to the grocery store (I think that must be trip #94439857 now) and bought some more fruit and I hate to say it…v8 pure vegetable juice. Needless to say, my dinner juice made me wanna vom. I put some papaya in it (I had never tried it before tonight and I thought it was supposed to be really sweet but it just tasted bitter? Maybe it wasn’t quite ripe yet), honeydew, mango, coconut water (apparently it keeps you hydrated after your workout), and the vegetable juice. The thing smelled like I didn’t even put any fruit in it at all but I will admit the taste wasn’t quite as bad as it smelled. I’m feeling kind of tired tonight so I’m going to try to go to bed early and PRAY I make it through the night.
“I like rice. It’s really good.” He is my favorite person in this world and March 10 cannottttt come soon enough!
Eating in the middle of the night is one of my huge goals that I hope to overcome after these fifteen days are up. I have trouble staying asleep and it’s natural for our bodies to crave high carb snacks later in the day, which is why I have such a hard time resisting them :(. However, this morning I woke up feeling refreshed and not as hungry as I normally am when I eat throughout the night so that was a plus! I started off my day with a strawberry-banana smoothie and headed off to the gym for another hour of spin.
After my workout, I noticed how lighter I felt. Although it had only been a day, I felt full but not the overstuffed-I-need-to-lay-down full kind of feeling. For lunch I made another smoothie with some blackberries, raspberries, and pineapple and later on I snacked on some baby carrots. I’m really worried about how tonight at work is going to go because our bread is SO hard to resist. I know I can do this- no pain, no gain!!
For dinner I had a salad with mesculin and spinach, craisins, red onions, scallions, grapes, pears, and a low fat sherry shallot dressing at work. Howeverrrr, I did give in and make myself a cappuccino but in my defense I have a sore throat and I used decaf! I also downloaded a detox app on my phone which has a lot of great recipes that I need to sift through for future reference. Well day 2 is down, day 3 here I come!
My friend Lindsay and I decided to go on a fifteen day detox diet and for these next two weeks, I’m going to post about my progress and any recipes that I use/create. My house is currently filled with fruit and today I bought some sugar free carnation drink mixes (accidentally bought all chocolate, instead of assorted..whoops) to give me some extra protein in my smoothies. I also bought tea, which is going to kill me to drink, and coconut water (never tried it). I’m really nervous about adding spinach and kale to my drinks because I hate the idea of drinking vegetables, it just creeps me out.
Today I woke up and felt like I was going to puke so I just had some grapes and went to the gym. The entire hour of spin kicked my ass and I was planning on staying to do abs and weights but I just felt too sick. I hope I get to them later on. After I got home and showered, I made my first smoothie for lunch which turned out better than I expected!
Chocolate Strawberry Smoothie
Fail, I just found out the chocolate mix has 5-8 mg of caffeine which I’m not supposed to have on this diet and the protein comes from a small amount of skim milk, also not allowed! Okay maybe I need to check out a vitamin store for protein powders that DO NOT contain these things…
Check. I bought some unsweetened vanilla protein powder that is wheat and dairy free. And for the record, spinach smoothies aren’t quiteee as bad as I thought they were going to be. Also- definitely can’t drink tea. I just can’t bring myself to do it. Yuck! My dinner consisted of an all green smoothie I kind of just threw together. It had the protein powder, spinach, honeydew, and a kiwi in it. It wasn’t as bad as I imagined it would be but just like I predicted, it didn’t keep me as full as a dinner with lean meat would.